Hi. It’s that time of the year when relationships end and new ones grow. Some people burn bridges, they decide to let certain things go at the end of year. It’s that time you make a mental review of the year, you do a mental count of how many relationships you got into, how many friendships you made over the year. Perhaps you had a terrible break-up this year, maybe your loved one passed away. What happens after you burn that bridge?
There’s something about us as humans, we are always looking for momentary moments of relief, we’re always on the search for a way out. It’s more like a kind of coping mechanism. We always want to run away from whatever it is that makes us feel bad.
Simply said, we try so hard not to feel.
Most of the times, we always want to deny what we feel.
Everyone talks about moving on but no one talks about what exactly it is they’re moving on from. Listen, to heal, you have to feel it. You need to let it hurt until it doesn’t anymore, at least, not as terribly as it does at the moment. You have to feel it. You have to admit whatever it is you’re feeling.
Have you just lost someone? Did your best friend or lover just break up with you? Did your pet just die? You need to feel it. Don’t try to hide. Don’t try to push it in a corner and just pretend it’ll disappear. It won’t. You won’t heal that way. If you go on like that, you will continue to cringe when someone else talks about them. You’ll continue to run into the closest shop when you sight them in the street.
You need to talk about it, you need to talk about your grandmother that just passed away. Not necessarily talking about it to someone, you can talk about it to yourself. You need to admit that you were happy with your lover, even though it lasted but for a short while. You need to stop pretending that you’re fine. That you’re over it. Don’t just groan and hit your head anytime you remember her. You can’t always search for a distraction. Sometimes, you just have to face it. Whatever it is. Look at it in the eyes even if it makes your legs tremble.
It seems like it’s going to make the whole thing complicated but no, it’s going to help in the healing process. It’s a system. You can’t jump the queue. If you go on like that, you’ll never smile when her name pops up in the mouth of another. You’ll never be able to stand a conversation about him… And is that how much your lover’s worth? Is that all your baby’s worth? That you can’t even talk about her? Is she that insignificant that you can’t stand the mention of her name at all?
Open your heart and admit whatever you feel to yourself.
Own your emotions.
When you’re done, ask yourself this. “Are you truly healed or are you just distracted again?”
Oluchi is a freelance writer, creative writer, and literary critic.
She is currently a second year student of English at the University of Ibadan.
She reads, writes, sews and bakes.
She resides in Ibadan.